Hello Exceeders 💜
This has been a trying year to say the least but I’ve truly decided to tap into the God in me. God has been dealing with me on my emotions and how I react to things. I’m normally a very emotional person but in silence. Silent suffering is like the expressway to depression. I’m 27 years old and I have spent more that half of those years teetering between depression and suicide. The enemy was really trying to take me out from a young child but GOD. My pastor has been teaching on the attack of the mind and it’s been putting me in constant thought. One of the things that I’ve been meditating on is when she said, “one of the enemy’s tactics is to make you feel like you’re the only one”.
I thought acknowledging certain things gave it power but not acknowledging those things gave it power to roam in my mind free of charge. As taxing as it was to my day to day interactions, the last thing I wanted to do was truly address these things. My emotions overtook me so it was easy for the enemy to take a confused, emotional girl that didn’t know her worth and make her no longer want to live. Emotions are what got me the point of suicide. My emotions were louder than God. Pain. Anguish. Anger. Sorrow. Helplessness. Jealousy. I was filled with so many things that God got His corner of awareness and that was it. Being emotion-led drained me. My time wasn’t my own because I did what people expected of me. If I was expected to drop what I was doing at any given time, that’s what I would do. Loneliness and fear of rejection made me unavailable to focus on me. To focus in general because though I was aware of other’s personal struggles, it was black or white in my eyes. Either I was all alone in these thoughts or I felt my problems were smaller than the next person. That was just my life.
Clearly God had to break that in me. It was as toxic as it sounds if not more. The challenge from my teachings were to submit everything to God. Every thought, every emotion, every feeling. That was the next hiccup I encountered, thinking that God meant I couldn’t have any emotions. That came from simply not being in my Word like I should. Emotions aren’t bad, God has made a season and time for everything!
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 KJV
There were times that I would get angry and the enemy would make me feel bad about it but Ephesians 4:26 says “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” There are times where I’ve felt like crying and I’ve told myself that was a sign of me giving up. Jesus wept even though He knew that He was going to bring Lazarus back to life. It’s about how you use those emotions. It’s about how you view those emotions. Are those emotions attached to negative thoughts? Are those emotions misplaced? Are they being used in the wrong season? More importantly, were they submitted to God? The Word of God is not a justification for wrong thoughts and wrong reactions, it is however 66 books of people just like you and me. People that made mistakes, people that let emotions drive them off a cliff God never designed for them. He’s such a good God though that He still uses the bad to turn it around for our good!
Submit every thought, every action, every emotion to the Word of God. My pastor once said “Everything that’s a fact, isn’t the truth” 💜